Benefit discs found

A man in his sixties has been detained for the disappearance of the two discs lost from HMRC holding information about every child in the UK. The man, described as portly, with a fluffy white beard and ruddy complexion, was originally stopped by officers responding to complaints about a man who had been taunting children that "I see you when you are sleeping, I know when you're awake".

When police searched the man's home at 1 North Pole Gardens, they found the lost discs, as well as a number of elves working illegally in his toy sweatshop.

Although the man didn't make the discs, police said they have evidence he has already checked the data twice, taking particular interest in the records titled "naughty" and "nice".

The Government has not responded to this news, but has pledged to no longer use Donner und Blitzen Couriers Ltd.