9 out of 10 cats

...think their owners are morons.

I've got to admit that I tend to agree. This might cause outrage amongst fans of the feline form, but I've long held a theory that cat owners who swooningly claim their pet moggies are intelligent are actually conceding that their cats are more intelligent than they are. Whenever I voice my 'stupid human cat owners theory', I have faced either an almost holy righteous indignance or a deadly silence.

Now science has come to back my theory/prejudice, in the form of research carried out at the University of Sussex. The boffins have discovered that pussies use purr power to press their owners' buttons.

The evidence is in. These folk should drop their fascination with the manipulative bird murdering vermin.

And get a dog.